Rema
by Tigger xox
Summary: You know how there are always the main characters... well what if you were the side character? Looking at everything from an angle but knowing you could never have what the main characters have.
1. Chapter 1

**Wolfe** - I'm trying to write about how it would feel like in the animes to be a side character. Just a short about trying to release your soul from the pain of always feeling that. . . life is not fair, or that you're not important. That you're the side character, not the main character. I've always felt sorry for those people and that their lives were shit. Hopefully this will help some people. . . and more importantly it helps relieve my stress. It may not be good, but every time I write it is written on raw emotion. They are short chapters most of the time and I hope it's an easy read. Also it helps give me experience and a better way to write stories, so review.

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What words can express how I'm screaming? How can I tell you that I've done the impossible? I can't, but I can tell you what I'm doing right now. Here I am, in front of at least 200 students dancing... on a rail... on the roof of the school building. I can see all their faces down below and I can imagine my face being neurotic and sensual. Just a soft smile illuminating my entire face, but the truth is, between you and me, behind that smile that I put on so often is the screaming. ;affjkopqweriut grehl;vbn.

That screaming.

Words that you can't understand, emotions that are running and clashing and lifting and falling and apqweiourqpweiodgjna;cklvmnzxc,vmpjqoiweru to1pt38yh9- and then it feels as though my heart stops and my fingers go numb. They're still all watching. I decide to wow them from my simple steps back and forth into something amazing. Gradually I begin to move back and forth faster. You see, my name is Rema, and I am vice-president on the student council. I work a thousand times harder than most of the people you have ever met.

I begin swaying while pacing back and forth, in tune with my now running, dancing steps on the high rail. Of course I'm not the president, (but I think I should sometimes be credited for my achievements) I didn't even really care for vice-president, I was just elected. The president... is... a boy or is it a man? I don't know. He is intelligent, cool, condescending and he fell in love with stupid, loud-mouth, F student. I turn abruptly in a spin to go backwards and the gathering crowds gasps below with a sense of panic. I can't feel it though. I'm so numb.

Next we have... normal student and dance star. Dance star is funny, and a playboy. Normal student is shy and cute. They love each other too. What hardships they put up with and went through together with. I sigh inside, because I can't let such a worried emotion fall across my face. I stop on the railing noticing the steps not making a big enough impression on the crowd. Maybe I'll die from this. It flashes through my head and then leaves my mind entirely. Slowly I begin to arch my back and raise my leg higher and higher until, oh God, the ground begins to lurch sickingly towards my face and I almost lose balance.

The rush of adrenaline and excitement I feel is addictive. Something more crazy, something insane! And I realize the perfect thing to do after I regain my balance. I begin slowly, then trot, then sprint and jump! I'm flying and that damn smile is still there. There was a boy that I also knew, he was a sports king and wasn't that bad at grades. He fell in love with the handicapped, 'I can't walk lady.' All those people, all of them my friends, and they don't know this dark, black hole that is me. How I hate them.. or not really them. Just that damn, stupid, fucking insane apsdoifq word love! For who could love me?

Nevermind, let me count out seconds and tell you what's happening. 1, 2, my 'friends' are rushing up the steps to the doors, because their all mary-sues. 3, 4, they're at the door. Hell! There they are, I can see them out of the corner of my eye. I just smile that soft smile. 5 land, or don't land, mainly land because I'm too much of a pussy too fucking miss. My feet come down hard on the rail. Between slipping and landing I manage to stand up, spread my arms wide and like an actor give a big bow before raising my arms up and turning towards my 'friends.'

I heard somewhere from someone, later that I looked like a shadow and a Goddess all combined in one with my long ravenous black hair flowing gently in the wind. My arms were spread wide almost inviting my 'friends' into an intimate embrace. The sun burning directly into my eyes and illuminating my body from the back. Welcome to my 3rd year in high school.

Fuck this.


	2. Chapter 2

"Rema! Get down from there!" The president's ike. I smile softly at her and her overly dramatic motions. Her perfect golden hair flinging back and forth as it frames her face, her beautiful brown eyes wide in fear. A caring friend. "Yes! Get down now, Rema." The big, burly sports king. With dark brown hair and serious brown eyes. Beautiful. I smile softly at him, before looking at all my friends faces.

The ones that are more reclusive just have small wrinkles around their eyes. Things I've noticed from time to time, but where is the handicap. I look confused before turning around and see her in a wheel chair right below me. Beautiful angel. Sweet as a fairy, too bad she's so decapitated that she can't do shit. I giggle before looking back at my friends on the roof.

"Why? It is fun up here!" I say almost crazily.

"Get down." Says the cool, confident school council president. I laugh heartily in my mind. Look at all the wrinkles around his slightly pointed eyes. Those deep, dark, hellish blue, cold eyes. I smile as though it were a joke and perform my last trick. It is obviously a high jump, of course I would need someone to catch me wouldn't I? I jump towards them, like a swan, my arms still gracefully held open as though inviting them to embrace me. They move forward in a swarm with wide eyes and fearful looks, but it's too late, they paused.

I must've giggled, because I know when I landed on the cold hard ground I was laughing hysterically. They couldn't even make it to me in time to catch me. My ankle twinged painfully as I stood up and smiled at them endearingly. "Ja' Matenai!" I giggle as I rush to the door, open it, and resume my wise, gracious position of being a good friend. Their faces were slightly pale and they looked at me before laughing nervously, thinking it was a messed up joke. I begin to laugh too, but they didn't notice the hysterical twinge in my laugh. It wasn't a joke.

I shut the door behind me and feel their auras start to wane from the tension before. I'm crazy. No, not crazy.... just something. I settle for that explanation as I pull my head high and walk away. Of course I stop shortly after, there was something wrong with my foot. It didn't... want to move properly. It twinged and stung as though something was clashing it with a hammer. I frowned before lifting my head back up and resuming my hellish walk.

You see, it all started out simply. With that stupid word 'love.' I loved...;lakweqjptoigada;hvbklcn ahh God, I loved so much. I put so much of my heart into loving that I thought for sure, someone would love me back. I guess no one ever did really want me though, because they all found something else. Someone better than me, that loved them more than I did or could have ever loved them! I've known Ryuichi since preschool. He was the one in the corner reading the book, and I was eccentric just wanting a smile out of him. A painful smile lit up my face. I guess you could say I was his only friend for forever. Then. . . he. . no, I. . . . . . I. .


	3. Chapter 3

I fell in love with him, or so I thought. Then along came Ran. Ran confessed her love to him and was indignant that he did not return her sentiments. Somewhere between all the bullshit that happened he fell in love with her. She understood him. . . . . . . my hellish walk through the school came to abrupt halt as I sighed uncerimoniously. I guess I never knew him like she would... did. . does, or so he said.

Heartbroken should be the word that described me afterwards, but as a good friend I knew I was supposed to give him up for Ran, because he loved her. I could lose for that, I just wanted his smile. A beautiful disgrace I was, walking down the hallways to another place, far from piercing eyes. Without realizing my own eyes holding a damned look in them.

Anyways, where was I... oh yes. Heartbroken, would be the word that would describe me. Sitting alone on a stone bench I never realized the man coming to sit beside me. He reached out and brushed my forehead of the hair that covered my eyes. In his words, 'So what happened' really meant why do your eyes look like your crying, but you aren't.

I never told him.

I smiled, walked away before leaving with him a single syllable to remember me. Fate. I met him again after he joined the student council, being elected for doing well at sports. Somewhere along the way I fell for him too, hoping he would fall desperately for me. I thought he did. God, how I thought he did, but then again pity and love can be confused sometimes. Friendship and love too, I was so foolish.

Then he, the other boy I've told you about, reached his hand out to me and I grabbed on desperately this time, hoping so badly. Of course that one was the shortest to last. It ended as soon as it began and slowly my world seemed to end itself.

You know how you feel after you tried to grasp air? It's like trying to grasp someone's hand and no-ones there to reach out and grab back. So your fingers dangle there foolishly grasping... nothing. The bane of my life is that word, nothing. You keep hoping and looking and praying to God that someone will reach out the way you did. But no-one can ever compare to yourself.

I just wish. . I shut my mind off as I knew the end of the sentence already. I had to disappear. I had to leave and go away, the pain just felt too much. I knew it wasn't and that I was being overly dramatic, but I couldn't help it. Behind all the melodrama in my mind was a fervent voice in the back of my head screaming. Leave now, they know too much and you don't want to be hurt anymore. Here, I hated myself and everyone around me. I just. . had to breathe, to disappear. To live. I just had to leave.


	4. Chapter 4

Disappear back to my house and quietly think things over. The elevator on the way up ominously dinged every floor number 5, ding! 6, ding! 7, ding! 8, ding! 9, ding! 10, ding! 11, ding! 12, ding! The doors quietly opened with a buzz and I exited sick to my stomach. Everything was so maddening around me it made me feel like I was about to throw up, or tear something to shreds.

I stopped in front of room 712 and shakily grabbed the keys from my shirt pocket. Inside, take shoes off, walk rampantly to the bathroom. Throw up. It was a necessary duty everyday. Going to the doctor and being told you had an ulcer and going back every couple of weeks for check ups or medicine didn't help. The pain helped keep me from losing my mind. It made me realize I was still alive.

The pain increased in my stomach and I passed through the house blatantly ignoring the kitchen which was empty and cold. There was no sign of life in the house I was living in. Excuse me, the empty apartment I was living in. It was lavishly decorated, with a simple, but elegant look to it. White carpet, T.V., couches, rugs, open space, it was a room for a slightly rich person that could afford it. Besides that the house looked like it hadn't been used for years.

I ignored it all though and went to my room and sat down at the computer, ignoring the still throbbing feeling of my ankle. By now it was starting to feel good, like every step would shock and jolt me. I sat down gripping my stomach as a pain gripped me. I'm used to it now. Shake the mouse on the computer to wake it up and then look through the information I had asked for throughout the day.

Suzaku, Ryuu, Tora, and Saru were four main elite high schools in Japan. They were known as the Kingdoms. With these high schools came an elite game called Salvation. It's a complex, dangerous game to keep rich people preoccupied. It also helps them grow up and learn how to handle businesses in dangerous situations. It's always about war and fighting and trying to be the best. I didn't know about the imminent snarl on my face as I thought about it.

To be student council president of one of these schools, or in the council at all meant you were the hierarchy of that school. It gave you special privileges, but was a dangerous position, because the schools fought against each other. Real fighting, with actual bloodshed, but not many people had died over the years, because of the Haeven. Another complex part of the school.

The reason the schools fought against each other was to gain the blessing of the Haeven and if they do they were invincible and could become great and powerful people. The Haeven also made sure that not too many people were killed. The people that controlled the game was staff and principles and sometimes students that were undercover. It was a sickening game made by the elite.

Saru, the School of the Monkey was where I went to right now. Ryuu, the School of the Dragon was where I really wanted to go. It was the farthest away from Saru. Far enough that I could hopefully forget everything. Except that it was the name of one of the men I. . . nevermind. It had taken almost all day to go around achieving this exchange sneakily, but I had finally signed up as Tenshi, Akuma. A delightful pun.

"Congratulations, you've been accepted to Ryuu Elite Academy!" Appeared in my email, along with a couple other emails referring to my new address, and apartment number of my new home. For the first time in a long time I smiled congenially as I phoned the movers to make the trip one week from today. I probably shouldn't have smiled, because it looked even worse with gaunt cheeks, a small dribble of throw up I had not removed from the edge of my lip, and a dying, fiery, burning look in my eyes, showing how truly sick I was.


End file.
